Although people often told me that I was too harsh on myself, I believed the self-condemnation to...
Updated: Mar 25, 2022
Although people often told me that I was too harsh on myself, I believed the self-condemnation to be well founded. If people only knew what was going on behind the scenes and in my head, they wouldn't be telling me to lighten up. The pleas of others to take it easy on myself drove me crazy. Didn't they understand that wasn't possible? Everybody was trying to get me to love myself, but no one could ever tell me how to do that. Additionally, nobody seemed to grasp that when you've been an addict for much of your life, and have been subjected to trauma after trauma with no means of processing it, "being nice to yourself" isn't really an option. Self-care is only possible when you have a positive self-perception. When you view yourself as trash, you tend to treat yourself as such. I'm thankful that all of that is behind me now; that I was able to heal and finally learn to love myself. I know I'm not perfect, but I can appreciate my progress, even the tiniest of victories. And for once, I'm actually proud of who I see in the mirror. The need to separate from the toxic people in my life has been discussed extensively, and here is yet another illustration of why doing so was so crucial. It's true that I struggled with my self-esteem, but looking back, I know that it was more than that; I was also reflecting the way in which I was being treated. When you remove the folks who constantly tell you that you're a worthless, unlovable, loser, it's remarkable how your perspective on yourself changes. In case you haven't heard it lately, I just want to remind you that you really are doing better than you think. Maybe you don't believe that, but it's true. If you need some extra support, please DM me.
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