Part 9: Flashback, Brawl, Justified. What happened?
By Ashley Huckabee
As I reflected on the past year, one memory in particular kept popping up. Several months prior to the events of this story, my relationship had started to devolve into physical and psychological abuse. During that time, I was under such high levels of stress that I began experiencing parasomnia.
Joe grabbed me in the midst of one of these sleepwalking episodes, and in my dream state, I thought he was trying to assault me again. I must have been terrified because I began pounding him in the face with everything at my disposal; first my fists, then a laptop, and ultimately a DVD player.
The following morning, Joe had visible swelling and bruising across his face, and when he opened his mouth his jaw produced a clicking sound. At that time, I had bought into the idea that all of the violence I was enduring was entirely my fault. I had a profound sense of regret and remember doing whatever I could to atone for my actions.
Even though I felt like a complete monster, there was a tiny part of me that was proud. It’s possible that Joe didn’t intend to hurt me that night, but if so, that was an exception. After seeing how the rest of the story played out, that memory now serves as a tribute to my strength and a reminder of a time when I protected myself. I was subjected to unimaginable cruelty, and looking back, I now feel completely justified. I almost hope his jaw still clicks, not out of bitterness, but because it might serve him as a reminder.
To be continued…
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